Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
