I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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