i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You ate ashes out of my bong
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
