You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
