i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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