Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
