I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
