Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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