Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
