Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
