The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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