If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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