it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
