I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
