im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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