I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
