I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am spending my child support on dildos
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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