He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
