I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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