Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
