Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
