You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
