imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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