I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
