Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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