yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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