this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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