dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
