The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
