Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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