I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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