Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
