well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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