Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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