The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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