You work out of a Hotel?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
