Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
wow bdsm is so cute
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
