bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
