so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
