First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
