She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
