I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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