He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
