I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
