At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
