remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
