Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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