The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
