Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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