I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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